In a recent gathering, our national leaders of The 6:4 Fellowship met together for several days at The Brooklyn Tabernacle. As we enjoyed rich fellowship, our host, Pastor Jim Cymbala, shared his heart with us on a variety of important topics. At one point, he offered a short but riveting observation that I cannot forget. It resonated with me on several levels. He simply said, “Angry people don’t pray.” That gave me insight into a couple essential choices in overcoming anger.

“Angry people don’t pray.” Pastor Jim Cymbala

We are commanded to deal with our sinful anger quickly (even daily) so that the devil has no opportunity to dominate and destroy our relationships, our spiritual well-being, and our intimacy with God (Ephesians 4:26-27). His intention is to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10) and our unresolved anger is one of his primary avenues for advancing our spiritual defeat and relational dysfunction.

To Be Angry is Human

Anger is germane to the human experience. When motivated by righteous concerns, it expresses God’s displeasure with sin. When motivated by selfish interests, anger can destroy our relationships with God and people. As James says, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires” (James 1:19-20).

One expert notes, “Out-of-control anger alienates friends, co-workers, and family members. It also has a clear relationship with health problems and early mortality. Hostile, aggressive anger not only increases your risk for an early death, but also your risk for social isolation, which itself is a major risk factor for serious illness and death.” [i] Some experts suggest that the average adult gets angry about once a day and annoyed or peeved about three times a day. Other anger management experts suggest that getting angry fifteen times a day is likely a realistic average. For the believer, we hope the frequency and intensity is much less.

What is Anger?

Clinically, anger is an emotion related to one’s interpretation of having been offended, wronged, or denied, and a tendency to react through retaliation. One of my mentors used to explain that anger is a control mechanism. The Bible describes it as a besetting sin to be avoided. “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32). Even Mark Twain quipped that “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain

Ultimately, anger is a choice, and we all need the grace of Christ and the power of the Spirit to empower our healthy daily decisions. So what choices can we make in order to deal with detrimental anger?

Submit to Sovereignty

A primary alternative to anger is a high view of and heartfelt surrender to our Sovereign God. As one friend said to me, “If God is truly sovereign, there is not a whole lot I have to get angry about.” The familiar passage tells us to “be still” (cease striving, let go, relax) “and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). In Isaiah 46:9-10 we are told, “I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning , and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure.’”

A primary alternative to anger is a high view of and heartfelt surrender to our Sovereign God. As one friend said to me, “If God is truly sovereign, there is not a whole lot I have to get angry about.”

Trusting God’s sovereign control frees us from trying to control people or situations through harmful anger. Author Jerry Bridges wisely noted, “We must believe that God is absolutely sovereign in all the affairs of our lives (both the good and the bad) and that all the words and actions of other people that tempt us to anger are somehow included in His wise and good purposes to make us more like Jesus.”

Glory in Goodness

Anger is focused on our disappointment, feelings of injustice, and desire for payback. All of these can be countered by a deep understanding and affirmation of the goodness of God in all things.

Anger is focused on our disappointment, feelings of injustice, and desire for payback. All of these can be countered by a deep understanding and affirmation of the goodness of God in all things.

Even after a lifetime of repeated injustice, Joseph was able to say to his brothers who sold him into slavery, “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20). After losing family, home, and even his health, Job rested in God’s goodness: “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21). When we know the Lord is our Shepherd, watching over and caring for our lives, we can say, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life” (Psalm 23:6). When we are struggling with negative emotions we can declare with the psalmist, “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living” (Psalm 27:10). Genuine gratitude can replace anger when we worship God in His goodness.

Find Forgiveness

Even when we keep a proper Godward focus when anger tempts us, we still have to deal with thoughtless and hurtful people who disappoint or injure us by their words and actions. Even in this we must look to a God who is merciful with us and forgives our heinous and repeated sins against Him. He calls us to the commitment to “forgive one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). In the midst of the shame, pain, and injustice of His crucifixion, Jesus was able to say, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

We’ve heard it said that “bitterness is the poison we drink expecting the other person to die.” It is good to remember that forgiveness does not make the other person right, it simply makes us free. When, by the grace of Christ, we release a person from our judgment through genuine forgiveness, we can be free from the destructive emotions that eat away at us and lead to many other harmful realities.

Forgiveness does not make the other person right, it simply makes us free.

Triumph through Trust

Perhaps the most difficult choice is that of trust. Even when we worship God in His sovereignty and goodness and genuinely forgive those whose actions have tempted us toward anger – we still must trust God on a daily basis with our painful situations. Anger is our way of taking things back into our own hands, rather than leaving them in the hands of God.

Anger is our way of taking things back into our own hands, rather than leaving them in the hands of God.

Again, we are inspired by Job’s words: “Though he slay me, yet will I trust him” (Job 13:15). We are helped by the practical and familiar words of trust from David: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me” (Psalm 23:4). When the way is unclear, our circumstances are uncomfortable, our relationships are unhappy, and our future is uncertain we are tempted to respond in anger. Yet, the deepest trust can flourish as a gift of grace even when clarity eludes us. “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.” Happiness can overcome anger when we truly learn to trust.

So, by His grace, make the choices today: Sovereignty, goodness, forgiveness, and trust. These are all powerful antidotes to your struggle with anger. Then your testimony can resound as did Paul’s: “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, (not even the things that tempt us to be angry)– shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:37-39).

Copyright © 2024 Daniel Henderson. All rights reserved

[i] https://www.mentalhelp.net/anger/what-is-it/